How to support someone

I want to support a

• Family member or friend
• Student
• Colleague
• Or read further resources

Family member or friend

We understand supporting someone with eating distress can be isolating, frustrating and distressing. It is likely you are feeling a range of emotions and may be unsure how best to help your loved one. Here are some ideas to get you started on finding support for them and yourself:

Preparing for a conversation

• Read up about eating distress/eating disorders so you have more understanding of what your loved one might be experiencing. Read more about eating distress
• Write down a few notes of what you’d like to say to your loved one about your concerns.
• If more than one family member/friend is worried, think about who your loved one would feel most comfortable with and who they’re more likely to share things with.
• Choose a safe environment where you both feel calm. Avoid talking just before, during and after mealtimes.

Have a conversation

• Share specifics of why you are concerned. Share a range of things such as “I’ve noticed you’re not going out very much” rather than only focusing on food and weight.
• Avoid using accusatory language as this is likely to make your loved one become defensive.
• Use “I” statements to reflect your observations and concerns e.g. “I notice”, “I have seen”.
• Try to avoid getting caught up in an argument. If you can, take a breather or suggest coming back to the conversation later.
• Let them know they can come to talk to you at any point.
• Perhaps think of having a notebook that your loved one and you can jot down concerns in if it’s too hard to say out loud and feels safer to read in your own time. Or you could use voice notes or a notes app on a phone.
• Offer to go to the GP with them or look at local services together.
• Ask if they’d like any other support.

Follow up

• Try again in a few days if it didn’t go too well or if there’s more you’d like to share.
• Seek support for yourself. It can be isolating and confusing supporting someone with eating distress/eating disorders.
• Contact EDNE for information and support.

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A student

If you think a student may be struggling it can be difficult to know where to start in approaching the subject or what kind of support to offer. The ideas below can also help students who are receiving treatment for their eating distress/eating disorder and may be returning to education after a break.

To register for a one-off counselling session, please complete the registration form below and choose the “one-off counselling session” option.

Preparing and educating yourself

• Read about the potential signs and different types of eating distress/eating disorders to increase your awareness and understanding. Read more about eating distress
• Be aware of potential risk factors for eating distress/eating disorders and relapse such as bullying, exams, and transitions.
• Understand that a student’s desire to do well at school/college/university can be a good motivation for recovery, but can also place extra pressure on them, especially related to perfectionism.

Having a conversation

• Consider which member of staff the student might feel comfortable talking to about concerns.
• For students returning, have a meeting with them and their parents/guardians if appropriate beforehand to discuss any worries and what support can be put in place at school/college/university.

Practical ways to support them

• Consider a quiet space for the student to go to if feeling overwhelmed in class and a quiet space to eat lunch and snacks.
• Consider extra support, time, and consideration around homework/assignment deadlines and exams.
• Consider any triggers in lessons. If talking about eating disorders in a lesson for example, the student may want to sit out, or it might not be appropriate for them to engage in food technology or P.E. Always discuss with the student to give them a choice (unless any medical risks make it unsafe to do P.E. or sport).
• Consider work to be done at home if student needs to miss time at school/college/university.
• Consider what pastoral and wellbeing support can be offered.
• Think about who can be a liaison with the student’s mental health and/or medical team/professionals.
• Provide support to any of the student’s siblings or friends in school/college/university as appropriate.

Educating others on eating distress

• We recommend including education around eating distress/eating disorders as part of the school curriculum. It can be included in:
  • PSHE
  • Media studies
  • P.E.
  • Drama/art
  • Food technology
  • English
• Consider arranging an EDNE talk in school/college/university
• Consider training on eating distress/eating disorders for staff. Check out our training programme.

Visit our education and training page

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A colleague

If you are concerned about a colleague, it may be that you have noticed a few concerns, someone has shared their worries with you or the colleague in question has confided in you.

Things to consider:

• Think about finding a quiet space to talk – this may be better off site.
• Ask them what support they think might be helpful at work.
• Consider being flexible as a workplace. Could the individual work from home more? Can there be flexible working hours so they can attend therapy and medical appointments? This can also be helpful to think about for any employees who are supporting someone with eating distress/eating disorders.
• Read about the potential signs and different types of eating distress/eating disorders to increase your awareness and understanding. Read our what is eating distress section.
• Consider training on eating distress/eating disorders for staff. Check out our training programme.

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Further resources

The following websites also contain useful information for those supporting someone with eating distress/eating disorders.

The New Maudsley Approach website offers parents and carers of people with eating disorders an insight into work in carer skills interventions.  

Young Minds Parents Helpline 0808 802 5544
Free, confidential online and telephone support to any adult worried about the emotional problems, behaviour or mental health of a child or young person up to the age of 25.

Carers Information from the NHS: national information, advice and support for carers in England

Mind: How to help someone with an eating problem